YGCTO Episode 10b - JMSs Big Wad
Listen to Episode 10b
JMSs Big ‘ol Wad
In our take on the concept of a minisode, we present to you the tangents with MVB that didn’t make it into the more focused Babylon 5 talk. MVB is frequently at comic conventions and tells the story of how JMS inadvertently intimidated a true Babylon 5 fan with his massive wad… of cash.
The Best Hair in Space
The minisode really speaks for itself this week. I’ll let it do just that and use this week’s article to rate all the hair of Babylon 5, Season 3.
During my most recent watchthrough of season 3, I made a note of which character’s hair stood out as the best in each episode. Perhaps it was the exit of Lt. Eyebrows that inspired me. Perhaps the magnificence emanating from Marcus’s Vigo-Mortensen-esq locks. To be sure, my approach is highly subjective and unscientific. I bring to you my findings…
Very minor spoiler alerts for non-plot related hair comments on episodes we will cover.
Episode 1 - Matters of Honor
From the opening credits, I knew we were in for a special season of haircuts. The somber air gave the makeup and hair people a shining moment.
There was one Jesse Ventura looking dude in downbelow whose droopy mustache almost took it… but I ended up giving this one to Marcus. Delann is the runner up for a heroic effort from a traditionally bald species.
Best Hair: Marcus
Runner Up: Delann
Hariest Mimbari Ever
Episode 2 - Convictions
I was excited to hear Dre’s reaction to the chess-loving monks that sniff out bombs. Sadly, the game wasn’t that deep and the explosion was more interesting than the chess match. My runner up went to something that didn’t even happen in the episode. I couldn’t help thinking G’Kar should carve a dick into Londo’s forehead while he was passed out in the elevator.
Best Hair: Marcus
Runner Up: Londo, in my head cannon where G’Kar carved a dick into his forehead
How do you like the human genitalia I carved in your forehead while you slept, Mollari?
Episode 3 - A Day in the Stryfe
Corwin hasn’t discovered the loophole in his contract that lets him count an Abercrombie polo as official uniform, but he still wears a mean ‘do. That forehead-first image will get a non-speaking role up to semi-regular in no time.
Best Hair: Marcus
Runner Up: Corwin
Corwin's Penultimate form
Episode 4 - Passing Through Gethsemane
The chess loving monks get serious about their openings… and open this episode with a chess match. Again, not as exciting as that would suppose. This is the one where Lyta returns for good.
Best Hair: Marcus
Runner Up: Senior Chess Monk’s ‘stache
He hides a third rook in that thing
Episode 5 - Voices of Authority
Julie Mustane, the Peace Minister from Earth visits Bab 5. She attempts to seduce Sheridan with her love of facism. It does not work.
Best Hair: Marcus
Runner Up: Mustane
My people took care of 'em
Episode 6 - Dust to Dust
We get that golden scene of G’Kar trippin’ balls and running into random people. We really Punk’d Alice with this one.
Best Hair: Marcus
Runner Up: Walter Koenig’s Toupe
Its not a merkin
Episode 7 - Exogenesis
Marcus confronts the informants. One of whom looks like Jean Ralphio with a larger coiff. Or Brunette Bevis.
Best Hair: Marcus
Runner Up: Samuel, the coiffed informant
I am Cornholio!
Episode 8 - Exogenesis
This one ends with Clark declaring martial law. No one is thinking too much about hair… except Iconava who is divine as ever. We get some early flirting with Marcus.
Best Hair: Marcus
Runner Up: Ivonava
That's how it falls naturally
Episode 9 - Point of No Return
Things too sad to focus on Hair. I’ll just give it to Marcus.
Best Hair: Marcus
Episode 10 - Severed Dreams
It may have won the Hugo, but it lost the heart of MVB. Though the exchange may have been worth it… we got the term “Mimbari Jizz Biscuit” in the deal.
Best Hair: Marcus
Runner Up: Major Ryan’s Eyebrows
Best brows in the biz
Episode 11 - Ceremonies of Light and Dark
I was worried about my boy Refa getting poisoned and lost track of hair, Ironic with the Centauri look. I was pulled to thoughts of hair for a moment with this image of Marcus and Delann, so I’ll give it to them
Best Hair: Marcus
Runner Up: Delann
Anyone near Marcus gets an automatic glow-up
Episode 12 - Sic Transit Vir
Vir is betrothed to a nice Centauri girl. Too bad she’s a full-throated supporter of Narn Genocide. Worst of all, she has no hair.
Best Hair: Marcus
Runner Up: Vir
Sex, or my values?
Episode 13 - A Late Delivery From Avalon
Michael York runs around the ship in his bowler cut. It’s a convincing step toward making the crew think he’s King Arthur of legend.
Best Hair: Marcus
Runner Up: Michael York
Basil Exposition
Episode 14 - Ship of Tears
Bester works with Sheridan and the crew to save his girlfriend. Her hair has been fused to the ship’s wires. Bester is still all-in. Me, it just brings traumatic flashbacks of seeing Superman III as a 7 year old.
Best Hair: Marcus
Runner Up: Bester’s Robo-Girlfriend
According to Bester "Hot"
Episode 15 - Interludes and Examinations
Looks like my notes suck for this one. I’ll just call it for Marcus.
Best Hair: Marcus
Episode 16 - War Without End Pt I
Future Londo has brought back longer hair for the Centauri Emperor after Cartagia’s reign. Kudos to you, Londo for sticking to your fashion instincts.
Best Hair: Marcus
Runner Up: Future Londo
That's keeper words right there
Episode 17 - War Without End Pt II
Sinclair gets his character arc payoff as he goes from a strong wave cut to no hair and a bone. Gotta say… pulling, it, off!!
Best Hair: Marcus
Runner Up: Valen
The end is the beginning... of my baldness.
Episode 18 - Walkabout
Franlkin goes back and forth on if he whould get lucky on his walkabout.
Best Hair: Marcus
Runner Up: Franklin’s lounge Singer crush
He does
Episode 19 - Grey 17 is Missing
Great guest stars that turn in mixed performances and no memorable hair. Robert Englund gets a chance to show off the dome without a brown hat, and the result is not impressive. Therefore, the puppet will be sneaking in as runner up.
Best Hair: Marcus
Runner Up: The Puppet
The first and last bit of excitement this episode
Episode 20 - And the Rock Cried Out, No HIding Place
The seriousness of the plot is externalized in Sheridan’s 5 o’clock Shadow. Pun intended.
Best Hair: Marcus
Runner Up: The Sheridan what does not shave
We replaced his coffee with foldgers crystals, let's see what happens
Episode 21 - Shadow Dancing
Lots of flirting here. Marcus and Ivonava. Delann and Sheridan. Garibaldi and Lt. Haircut. Franklin and Franklin.
Best Hair: Marcus
Runner Up: Lt. Haircut
Lt. Haircut had to get runner up at some point
Episode 22 - Za’Ha’Dum
And one more chance to put a long-time representative of the dark swoop coiff club into the runner-up gang.
Best Hair: Marcus
Runner Up: Morden
When breaking bad looks so good
What Did We Learn?
Marcus has the best hair in the galaxy
Next Episode
For the next full episode, we cover Babylon 5: Season 3 Episodes 16 and 17 “War Without End” with special guest Karl Wolf. Coming to you Sunday, December 14th.